Important note: Please take this post at face value. The aim of 10 Ways You Might Be Sabotaging Your Own Manifesting (and What To Do Instead) is not about making you feel bad about yourself.
We all have areas to improve; it is normal, human, and okay. I struggle with #4 and #6 the most. I’m conscious of that and I work on it.
I created this list to help you notice which personal traits might be holding you back. Acknowledge what you need to work on, if anything, and move on happily with your dreams.
Do you feel you have done it all, followed every step, and you are still not manifesting what you want?
If we wish to be happy and successful, we must accept more personal responsibility for our own happiness.
We are not at the mercy of unknown powers; once we realize we are responsible for our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we achieve freedom.
It doesn’t mean that we accept or agree with what is happening, but we understand that within us we have the power to choose peace.
One of the biggest stresses in life is when we feel we have no control over a situation; however, without responsibility there is no power.
There are various ways in which you may be subconsciously sabotaging your own desires.
1. You condemn money, or people with money
One possible reason people don’t have more money is because they are silently or openly condemning it.
They want money, yet they refer to it as “filthy lucre” or “the root of all evil.”
You should never criticize money because you are sending mixed messages to your subconscious mind: “I want to be rich, but people with expensive things are greedy or corrupt, or not spiritual.”
Don’t waste your time getting annoyed and frustrated with the “world” when your time could be spent on much more productive things.
It is unproductive to spend time on Facebook sharing photos, news, and posts about how unfair the world is, or how much it costs the taxpayer if the royal family goes on vacation.
The royal family, rich families, and everybody else on this Earth are fulfilling the role they came to do, and they have nothing to do with you or your manifestation abilities.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stand up for what you believe is right or raise awareness about a specific topic that is dear to your heart. What I’m saying is that criticizing for the sake of it, and fighting wealth, will not get you closer to your goals.
Feeling jealous or resentful of the success of others, even the wealth attained by birthright is only going to keep you where you are.
If you feel, “this is unfair” or “my life is unfair” or “the world is unfair,” you will not be able to experience anything else but unfairness.
There is no exclusion in this attraction based universe. When you see something that you would not want to experience, and you focus upon it, you include it in your experience. This is because of the Laws of Attention and Attraction. I have explained how the laws of the universe work in this post: 20 Proven tools to manifest your dreams faster.
Use your energy to move closer toward meeting your goals, and remove all other distractions.
What people should, or should not do with their money, is none of your business.
Take charge of the things you can control, and let go of the rest.
2. You worry and fear/expect the worse (negative self-talk)
How many times have you worried about something that never came about? Do you obsess over what-ifs?
The irrational worrying feeling is sometimes so intense that our intention to eradicate it is not enough; still, you have probably realized from personal experience that most of your worries have never happened, and they probably never will.
Do you command yourself repeatedly to worry? How often do you say to yourself, or others, “I am a natural worrier. I worry all the time.”
Or do you say to others: “This job will never make me rich, but it pays the bills,“ or “I just want to live comfortably, I don’t ask for much,” then you will get just enough to pay the bills, and not much more.
The best way to change your thinking is to choose a better feeling thought and start affirming the opposite of your concerns.
In Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers explains there are three types of fears:
Jeffers explains that at the bottom of every one of our fears there is simply the fear that we won’t be able to handle whatever life may bring us.
She says that the truth is that we can and will handle it, but we just think we can’t.
I read this book in my twenties and it was a great help for me. There are other books on the market that can help you with fears, and some approaches might work better than others.
I have read only a few, but Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is the one that had the biggest and most positive impact on me.
In some cases, specific therapy like seeing a hypnotherapist might work better than a book. (An irrational fear of water is very different from the fear of not being good enough.) It depends on what you need to work on within the fear spectrum in order to manifest what you want.
3. You don't address your problems and weaknesses
Not addressing your problems and weaknesses can be a big road block on your path.
Look for patterns that repeat themselves:
- You are always late for meetings and dates.
- You never get things done, you procrastinate, or you have countless incomplete projects. If you carry a belief such as, “I never get things finished,” determine what is worth pursuing and what is worth letting go.
Apparently, we only complete 41% of the items on our to-do lists. All those undone items lead to stress and insomnia because of the Zeigarnik effect, which means uncompleted tasks will stay in our minds until we finish them. (People remember incomplete or interrupted tasks better than completed tasks.)
Make a list of everything you can think of that is incomplete; decide what stays on the list and what you can delegate or completely let go. Make it a priority to finish the tasks that remain on the list.
- You repeatedly change your mind. That means you haven’t tuned in properly to understand what you want and how to go about it. This could be due to a constant fear of failing or fear of making the wrong decisions.
4. You make a mountain out of a molehill
Do not give permanent reality to temporary things
Emmanuel’s Book I
Sometimes we focus and fuss over things we can’t control and that are not important.
Our trip can be ruined by the weather, the delayed plane, or the rude waiter. All of these things are of course annoyances, but we don’t have to let them “ruin everything.” Sometimes we get upset over the smallest things.
There is power in putting our problems into perspective.
We can reframe our world with a positive or different perspective.
Would you feel the same about the delayed flight, the weather on that trip, or the bad traffic on your way to work if your spouse had just told you she was leaving you? Or that she had a serious illness?
Most situations are not as bad as they seem, but we make them harder by repeatedly thinking about them and “making a mountain out of a molehill.”
Ask yourself often: Does this really matter? Is this still going to be important in a month’s time?
5. You wait for the "perfect time" every time you try to start something big
Waiting for the perfect time to do anything is usually counterproductive (for example, waiting for your kids to go to college, for your partner to change, or to live in the right house, or city).
Circumstances are never going to be 100% to your liking before you make a move. In fact, quite the opposite: You have to take action in order for the circumstances to move in the direction of your dreams.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. I love the following quote by Sheldon Kopp, American Psychotherapist, and author:
I have never begun any important venture for which I felt adequately prepared.
I feel that way every time I approach something new.
6. You repeatedly avoid responsibility
You repeatedly avoid responsibility by justifying your problems with excuses like “Everybody has debt” or by justifying your limitations with “I’m not pretty enough, thin enough, tall enough, young enough, or clever enough to attempt this or that.”
When we blame outside circumstances for the outcome of our experiences, we are avoiding responsibility.
“I didn’t get to the interview on time because the bus ran late.”
“My life is ruined because I was brought up in a dysfunctional family.”
“Nobody likes me.”
Everybody has disappointments, hurts, and betrayals, but we can’t let them hold us back. What we think, say, and do is creating our experience.
If we think we are a victim, say we are a victim, and act as if we are a victim, we will experience being a victim in spite of the fact that we are not.
If, for example, your girlfriend or wife leaves you for another man, don’t waste any time condemning the man because “he knew we were together.”
I know it is emotionally hard, but we don’t own our partner and we can’t control his or her decisions.
We can only control how we handle ourselves.
Blaming and talking negatively about someone else not only won’t fix your relationship issues, it won’t make you feel good either because you will feel a victim and out of control with the situation.
It is good to grieve and express frustration, and by all means, talk to your friends and a counselor if you feel it would be beneficial for you.
But after you have done all that, there is no point seeking revenge or continuing to look back at what happened because you can’t change it, and you will be holding yourself in a vibration that won’t allow good things to come your way.
Physically, resentment hurts our bodies too.
7. You take responsibility when it is not yours to take
There are certain tasks that bring greater responsibility for taking care of many people, such as raising children or being the head of a police department.
We are also responsible for the earth, the environment, and how we take care of all animals and plants.
Make sure to take responsibility when it is yours to take. If we assist another soul with love without expecting anything in return, we will reap rewards. However, if we are repeatedly taking too much responsibility for somebody else out of our own need to feel wanted and loved, then we create negative karma.
When and what should you not take responsibility for?
When we are in a habit of rescuing people, we take away their power.
If for example, you have a grown-up child who is constantly demanding money, by continually fulfilling his wishes you will be taking away his power to resolve the challenges in his life.
Sometimes we think we are responsible for someone else’s situation or state of mind, but this is not true.
Everybody is responsible for their own happiness or misfortune, and this is a blessing because it provides everyone with the power to create and change their own reality if they wish to do so.
The Law of Responsibility teaches us that we need to know when we cross the line between being responsible for ourselves, and taking somebody else’s responsibility.
When we don’t want to tell somebody the truth, for example, because we think they will feel hurt, jealous, or depressed, we are projecting our own fears onto them and we are not giving them the option to handle the message in whatever way it is appropriate for them.
We disempower people by taking on their stuff.
As I have mentioned previously, use discernment. If you have a friend who is going through a rough time, for example, if he is about to get divorced, and is asking for your help to stay with you for a while, you will probably want to help him.
However, when the same friend takes the offer and stays for many months, and relies on you for food and comfort, then you might be taking on too many of his issues.
Your intuition will guide you to know when you feel you are taking on more of other people’s problems than you should.
We need to be careful not to create negative karma for ourselves.
It is also incorrect to force our help and advice on other people.
It is true that sometimes people don’t know how to ask for help, and again you should use your discernment to figure out if you should step in to provide assistance. However, usually, if people are not asking for help, then they don’t need it, or they might not need it from you.
Do not assume you know what they need or how they feel.
You might have struggled in their situation, but that doesn’t mean they feel the pain in the same way, or they want a way out now. Their path might mean the assistance comes later, or from another person.
When we allow people to take responsibility for their lives, we empower them; when we learn to discern when to take action or not, we grow spiritually.
8. You have poverty consciousness
Many studies show how most people who get sudden large sums of money, either via inheritance or from winning the lottery, lose it all or spend it all in a short amount of time.
The reason for this behavior is because they feel poor inside and therefore subconsciously, they are reflecting outwardly what is going on internally.
Abundance is an attitude; it is not the attainment of stuff that causes us to be abundant, it is our mindset.
You might pile up your garage with Ferraris and still feel poor.
There is a big difference between being poor and not having enough money at a given moment in time. Poor is a state of mind rooted in a belief in lack.
Not having money at a particular moment is a temporary situation.
9. You give your power away to people and circumstances
When we give our power away to people and circumstances, we slow down our chances of success.
We tend to give our power away when we continue to blame our parents, partners, and friends for our circumstances or how they make us feel.
We also give our power away to outside authorities who claim to know the truth and want the best for us; for example, this happens in medicine, in politics, with dieting companies, and in the entertainment industry.
We should use our discernment in everything. Just because “everybody” seems to be raving about a product or service doesn’t mean it will be right for us.
How we give our power away
• We give our power away to our past, childhood, or upbringing. (Let’s be clear though, if you have suffered from child abuse, mental illness, or other childhood traumas, you should seek therapy and make every attempt you can to find inner peace. However, after you have done that and sought help, it will serve you best to move on with your life.)
You will not be able to change the past, but you can try to change how you feel about it now and move on. At the bottom of this post I have listed a few other posts that will help you find forgiveness and heal difficult relationships.
• We compare ourselves to other people to decide if we are talented or beautiful.
• In politics, we are led to believe that one person or another will fix our problems, or make our country a better place, but a perfect politician or government is not essential to our experience of wealth, happiness, and well-being.
I fully understand that it is easier to live under some political regimes than others, but politicians can’t choose our state of mind.
They can’t choose our thoughts, or if we let things get to us or not. They can’t choose with whom we hang out, or how much or how little we exercise.
And they can’t stop us from writing our goals, standing up for ourselves, or doing our inner work. Only we have the power to help ourselves.
• We give our power away when we constantly complain and reduce our vibrational stance over situations we can’t control, like the traffic.
• We give away our power when we convince ourselves that we can’t live without a thing, a pet, or a person.
• We give our power away to lucky charms, superstitions, and the like. A lucky ornament, necklace, or charm is going to bring us luck to the extent that we believe it to do so.
• We give our power away when we run away from our problems; for example, moving out of the area we live in, changing jobs, or leaving our partner.
The problem is that wherever we go, if we haven’t changed our vibrational stance, nothing will change. We will think and act the same way as before, and therefore we will attract the same experiences.
If we haven’t done the inner work required, a new city or job will not bring us what we need.
• We give our power away when we don’t attempt to resolve a problem unless we have sought the opinion of a trusted friend, parent, or guru.
We accept their opinion as truth, and we take action based on what they say, even if their advice goes against our intuition.
Clearly, sometimes it is wise and appropriate to seek advice from other people, but do so with the intent to combine the information they give you with your own inner knowing.
There is a quote attributed to Zen Master Linji that says, “If you meet the Buddha, kill him.”
It is not a literal statement; it basically means that if you find anybody who claims that he has all the truth and that you should follow him, you should run away fast because true wisdom lies inside you.
A true spiritual teacher will tell you that he or she is not teaching you, but reminding you of what you already know, because in truth, your soul knew all of this before you came here.
10. Other ways you might be sabotaging your own manifesting
- You hold yourself back from taking (calculated & intelligent) risks. I know it is easier to stay in our comfort zone, but that will only leave us where we are.
- You are too proud to accept and correct your own flaws or mistakes.
- You fail to take action to achieve your dreams.
- You always think you know best or have all the answers.
I’m far from perfect. I have bad days. I change my mind. I procrastinate.
I wish I would think more before talking, and I certainly don’t think positively all the time. As a matter of fact, the statement “think positively and all your problems will be gone,” is neither helpful nor true.
I said it earlier, but all the points listed above are only trying to help you avoid self-sabotaging your manifestation efforts, because they might be holding you in a vibrational stance that is keeping you away from the inflow of abundance you are seeking.
Excuses, avoiding responsibility, and negativity will always hold you back
You need to be energetically ready to receive what you want.
The following posts will help you overcome the above traits and achieve what you want faster:
Do you feel you need to work on any of the above points? Let me know in the comments below